Survey 12 Results – Part II

These are the answers to the girls only/guys only questions in the last survey. Girls were asked, "What is the biggest thing you think the guys should know?" Guys were asked, "What is the biggest thing you think the girls should know?"

We had 114 responses and they were all extremely interesting :)
Some of the responses have been slightly edited for tact (It's my survey, sorry guys :P), and some included specific requests not to be publicized.

Other than that, though, here are the raw, unedited opinions of your fellow students. I broke them down into general categories for organization and amusement from comparison ;)

(And for the sake of the legal disclaimer, the opinions expressed here are those of the original survey participants and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of myself or the PHC Surveyor, etc. etc.) ;)

Enjoy!
(If you want to see Part I results, you can view them here.)

Survey 12 Results – Part II

General Encouragement

"You are more beautiful than you think." – Male Senior

"Thank you for all that you are. You're beauty both inward and outward is evident. I'm honored to call you both friends and sisters. Press on!" – Male Junior

"You are a bunch of amazing girls. Really. I don't know that there's any other place I've been with a better group of young ladies." – Male Junior

"They're pretty awesome. Their relationship status and their recent dance history do not define them. Thanks for bein' there, girls!" – Male Senior

"If you center your identity in living selflessly for Christ, not in grades, girls, or glory...you will always be someone we respect and honor. And guys...I have never seen so many men so focused on God and His glory in my life as I have here...thank you for your commitment, your courage, and your care for all of us girls. It means more than you know." – Female Senior

"How terrific they are." – Female Junior

"We actually really appreciate you, even if it doesn't always seem that way." – Female Freshman

"That the practice of chivalry is not dead, and that we still view you as Ladies." – Male Junior

"Women on campus really respect you, even if we don't show it very well. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Be who you are in Christ. You're our brothers, and we love you." – Female Freshman

Words of Warning

"Guys are all wicked. Beware!" – Male Junior

"to the guys who took non-PHC girls to the Liberty ball-- expect us to take revenge at next years Sadie Hawkins :)" – Female Sophomore

"Girls are often a lot nastier than you think." – Female Sophomore

"Some of the guys really are as creepy as they seem. Many are not." – Male Junior

Communication

"We don't understand why you don't communicate with each other more. :p" – Female Senior

"In friendships and relationships, be open and honest. It's one of the greatest ways you can protect and serve your sisters in Christ." – Female Junior

"We can be confusing sometimes, but we honestly want to be helpful. If you want to know something, just ask us." – Female Freshman

  

"Especially dealing with relationships, communication is really huge! Of course you should not tell a guy everything. But guys often times don't care what the truth is they just want to know. So air on the side of talking things through, you will save him, and yourself a lot of pain." – Male Senior

"That the most reliable way to get a glimpse into the mind of guys, or rather, A guy, is through personal conversation and observance, not solely depending on campus surveys and Herald quotes. These questions have been engaging, enlightening, and entertaining, but they cannot substitute for the real thing, the way to begin to truly know a person, no matter what their gender." – Male Sophomore

"Get to know a guy...and you'll learn. Advice books are like constantly taking polls to conduct life." – Male Junior

What is Attractive

"Care more for what you hear God saying than for what you think we think." – Female Junior

"Pursue friendships with other Godly guys and the Lord's purpose for your life over flirting with girls. We appreciate your chivalry a lot." – Female Sophomore

"You don't have to know everything or act like you do. just act like you actually care." – Female Senior

"You are more attractive when you demonstrate care for other people." – Male Junior

"The most attractive thing to a girl- a guy who is responsible, driven, a deep thinker, cares for others, and confident enough that he is not afraid to laugh at himself, and most of all loves God and is seeking to follow him every step of the way." – Female Sophomore

"Giving girls unsolicited life advice is not attractive, in a friendship or a romantic relationship. Usually, you're not qualified, and even if you were, it still indicates a level of presumption and/or lack of respect." – Female Senior

"A good sense of humor is the most attractive thing ever in a guy... immeasurably more so than the ability to argue about philosophy." – Female Sophomore

"Men like girls to be honest." – Male Freshman

"Girls should know that guys prize authenticity. We see through facades that get thrown up all the time. We don't want a girl that paints on her face every morning, we don't want a girl that suppresses her thoughts in order to maintain an illusion of agreement and submission, and we just generally don't want a girl who changes who she is when she's around us. We want a girl who feels comfortable unloading on us at times, who admits to being human and is comfortable with her humanity, and who realizes that she's not perfect, but follows a God who is." – Male Junior

"Being a genuinely godly and humble man is more important than any other character trait you could possess (remember humility does *not* mean beating yourself up all the time)." – Female Sophomore

"We are your sisters, and you need to treat us as such. A lot of girls struggle with feeling valuable. Make the girls in your life know that they matter by going out of your way to open doors for them, asking how they're doing, and encouraging them in the Lord. It means a lot when a guy treats every girl he knows well in an intentional, God-honoring manner-- not just the girls he is trying to impress for the purpose of a relationship." – Female Junior

"What girls want most is to be respected and cared for." – Female Freshman

"Attention is not the same as affection. Women tend to do things to gain the attention of guys. However the behavior/attire which gains the most attention is usually different than what gains one affection. There is a difference: learn it." – Male Senior

"While guys may like to hang out with silly girls, most guys don't want a silly girl at the end of the aisle." – Male Freshman

Cluelessness :)

"Don't be clueless as to when a girl likes you." – Female Freshman

"stop being so clueless. most girls make it super obvious when they like you, do something about it, don't leave her guessing." – Female Freshman

"Most guys are clueless about most nonverbal signals. It's just not something we have the capacity to pick up on. Openness and explicit communication is the only reliable means of communication." – Male Freshman

"Girls shouldn't be afraid to show tactful interest in the guys they like. We guys are pretty thick sometime. Trust us, at the point where you ladies think you are being completely obvious, we guys are just starting to think, "She is being nicer to me then usual... hmm..."" – Male Junior

"You will never really figure her out." – Female Sophomore

"Don't be vexed by the mysteriousness of femininity. Enjoy it." – Female Sophomore

"Some guys need help actually becoming friends with girls, because they are not sure of the border between just friends and girlfriends" – Male Freshman

We can be friends

"Don't be afraid to talk to guys even if you are not interested in them.  Get to know a variety of guys, and if you like a guy, don't be afraid to flirt a little." – Male Sophomore

"Relax and be friends with girls. But also, don't be afraid to take a girl out to coffee casually once in a while." – Female Sophomore

"Not all girls are thinking about diamond rings, guys. Sometimes we honestly just want to get to know you better and we're seeking good friendships, not an M.R.S. degree. Don't take us so seriously. =P" – Female Junior

"Girls need to realize that it's not easy for guys to be super open about thoughts, dreams, relationships, and a lot of other things like that.  Also if we're putting in the time and effort to treat young women like daughters of the king, they don't have to assume that we're madly in love with them." – Male Freshman

"It's ok and good to be a woman so dress like it and carry yourself like it. Just because I compliment you doesn't mean I'm in love with you."" – Male Sophomore

"Talk to a wide variety of girls, not just one or two!!" – Female Sophomore

"you can talk to a girl and she won't necessarily think you like her. Don't be a creep though :)" – Female Freshman

"Don't take a guy asking you to hang out an blow it out of proportion. It would be way easier to get to know people if we all chilled out a bit. Unless the guy is a creeper. Then feel free to say no." – Male Senior

"Asking a girl to a dance doesn't mean you want to marry her. It is a huge compliment to be asked to a dance, but it doesn't automatically indicate interest. Don't cave to peer pressure and not ask someone you would have a really good time with just because your friends say she'll take it wrong." – Female Senior

"Don't assume too much. We are all brothers and sisters in Christ, and so loving each other should be natural, normal, and not necessarily telling of romantic interest. Friendship can be the foundation of a romantic relationship or it can simply be friendship." – Female Freshman

"Chill out about courtship. If we ask you out (to a dance, or wherever) it's not a proposal. We're not monsters who are going to prey on your innocence. Give us a chance at showing you that we're decent people." – Male Junior

"If we ask you to a dance, we don't necessarily want to marry you the following weekend." – Male Freshman

"That going on casual "dates" (like out to coffee) with a guy your not dating (or not interested in in that way) would be fun!" – Female Junior

"Just because a girl goes to a dance with you, invites you to social activities, or chats you on computer chat, it does not mean she likes you in a romantic way. Maybe she just likes you and your company." – Female

"You can talk to girls.  Not all girls think that a guy talking her equates with a relationship/marriage.  Some girls have been raised around guys and are comfortable with hanging out with them, so they aren't necessarily flirting with you.  They're just being friends. :)" – Female Freshman

"That all guys are not trying to marry instantanious. Friendship is good." – Male Freshman

"Chill Out! Talking in the coffee shop doesn't mean you need to start looking for wedding dresses." – Male Sophomore

"Asking a girl out isn't the end of the world, and the reason things are taken that way is because of how much girls talk anyways. But believe it or not being friends before asking a girl out is kinda awesome." – Female Junior

"We don't have cooties! ;)" – Female Sophomore

We could be *more* than friends...if you want

(Or “Let’s get together, yeah yeah yeah”) ;)

"there is no such thing as a very close and COMPLETELY platonic relationship between a guy and a girl" – Female Junior

"It's not evil for a guy to be interested in you, or for you to flirt/demonstrate interest!" – Male Senior

"Being yourself can be the hardest thing of all to do because it means trusting other people with your self. They are much more able to hurt you if they know who you really are. But do it anyway. You might lose some friends, but the people who gather around you will love and respect *you*, not a facade.

 Oh, and, if you like her, just ask her to coffee or something already. ;] It's not that scary, I promise." – Female Junior

"A guy doesn't have to have his life 100% in order to ask a girl out. So many guys have their noses stuck in books on manhood, To-Do lists, and life planning spreadsheets - they leave the poor girl they like wholly confused and frustrated." – Female Junior

"Its hard for a guy to enter a relationship with a girl here. I get that girls here are driven but where does that exclude relationships?" – Male Sophomore

"don't be scared of us ;)" – Female Junior

"Be straightforward. If you like a girl, don't beat around the bush for forever; just come out and be honest.  We don't know what's going on inside of your head." – Female Senior

"Dating a girl does not mean you *have* to know if you want to marry her right away...and panicking can sometimes be cowardice in disguise." – Female

"You will be more respected for making an effort and taking her response (whether yes or no) gracefully than if you never try. It is better to take risks than to be safe." – Female Sophomore

"Most girls want to be asked out. Be brave, and don't be afraid of rejection. For every girl who turns you down, there are probably 10 who would be delighted to accept. Even the girl who turned you down is probably feels very complimented that you asked." – Female Junior

Please be patient with (and have mercy on) us!

"That the guys here are trying. We are young, inexperienced, and we need a woman who will be patient in supporting us as we develop into the leaders and men God wants us to be." – Male Sophomore

"If anything, PHC men are too quick to initiate relationships at PHC. Patient guys are waiting for valid reasons and should not be rushed. Some of us recognize we need to mature more before considering the responsibility of leading a relationship." – Male Sophomore

"There are still quite a few of us guys (like, um, me) that would love to get to know you...but we still suffer from "unsocialized homeschooler syndrome." So don't just write us off..." – Male Freshman

"Don't go out of your way to catch a guy or signal that you're available. Guys respect the girl who waits." – Male Senior

"Guys wish girls would not push them to man up; let us grow up and take initiative. Don't force it on us" – Male Junior

"You don't have to flirt with us to get our attention. We see you. We often just are hesitant to initiate talking to you. We will not be offended if you were to initiate. Just don't rush it and keep God first." – Male Sophomore

Rejection

"You're not doing guys any favors by returning attention you get from them if you truly are not interested in ever having a relationship with them. Don't let guys down softly. If you have to end a relationship, end it early, don't drag it out." – Male Senior

"If I say I'm not interested, I'm not interested." – Female Freshman

"Rejections hurt far more than girls probably realize. But in the end, it usually all works out alright." – Male Junior

"Guys should know that girls don't want to be cruel: they just sometimes struggle to be both gentle and direct." – Female Junior

Mixed Signals

"We'd rather you be honest about your feelings or non-feelings towards us. If you're super nice but don't like us, it's kind of frustrating to deal with you. And if you do like us, do something about it." – Female Freshman

"Be careful about leading guys on even unintentionally." – Male Freshman

"Be conscious of how you interact with the guys." – Male Freshman

Appearance

"Bowties are cool!" – Female Sophomore

"Take care of yourself." – Female Freshman

"What you do matters, how you conduct yourself matters, and how you dress matters. And of course, modesty is a virtue." – Male Sophomore

Meals

"Guys tables during meals want girls to sit there." – Male Freshman

"I feel like both genders need to work to mix tables." – Male Freshman

Dances

"Girls like to be helpful and feel appreciated, so please let us do stuff for you and show we care, and it helps us feel appreciated if you actually ask us to dances. When girls don't get asked to dances, we usually start to think that it means there is something wrong with us rather than the guys just aren't asking girls to dances. That doesn't mean everyone has to ask someone to a dance, but it really does help us, even when we know that you all care about us, feel like someone cares about us and appreciates us for who we are." – Female Junior

"Dances are for highschool! (Balls not included)" – Male Senior

Various Complaints/Concerns from Guys

"Chivalry is, by definition, what girls today define as "creepy."  So, you can't ask for a chivalrous guy and then say he is creepy.  Make up your mind.  Preferably against chivalry, since it has little use in modern society, and finally, please get it through your head that you are not a princess, regardless of what your daddy told you, he was lying, you are a common ordinary peasant girl, and the guys around you are just common, ordinary peasants, too, the kind that go well with girls like you.  Stop looking for a knight in shining armor.  If you actually find one, which is nearly impossible, you will probably think he is creepy, or even if you don't think so, he won't be a fit for you, because you are not a princess." – Male Sophomore

"they are extremely uptight and rigid in everything they do. the girls need to chill out a lot, be less prissy and prudish, and just learn to have fun. also they need to stop paying so much attention the "cool" guys and pay more attention to people who actually deserve it" – Male Freshman

"Grow up, your behind the average person your age." – Male Senior

"Overall, freshman girls are not very friendly." – Male Freshman

Wisdom from the Alumni

"Just be yourselves. Don't try to impress us." – Male Alumnus

"Only ever be dependent on Jesus. Your future husband is not god, nor should you ever treat him as such. Respect is vital, but don't become a doormat by abandoning your individuality to him." – Male Alumnus

"Girls are told all the time that guys are visually stimulated and that their struggle is sexual. This is probably true for a lot of guys, but a lot of other guys have struggled just as much or more with emotional purity. The same pitfalls girls have idolizing guys to the point of dethroning Christ mirrors a big struggle for us too. The thing is, no one really talks about emotional purity with guys, because the common understanding is that it's a girl's problem (and what kind of guy is going to admit he has a problem with emotional purity?). Compounding the issue, guys in Christian homeschooled circles are often told that they shouldn't even think about asking a girl out until they know they can provide for her and that she would be fit to be a good wife. This, of course, can lead to months of emotional brooding on the guy's part as he debates whether or not he's ready to make the most important decision of his life--asking out a girl and thereby sealing the deal on his end. Guys are told that they should be the ones who bear as much hurt as possible in the relationship, so don't just go and flippantly ask a girl out for coffee, lest she gets carried away by that request and lose herself in a flurry of feelings only to risk being devastated if you decide she's not the one. Better for a guy to spend months deciding, praying, working up the courage to ask her, and then get turned down without five minutes' thought and be heartbroken than for the girl to have any hint of emotional pain. The kind of emotional temptation a guy goes through in this process can be pretty ridiculous, because thinking about a girl all the time (what are her qualities? Could I be a good husband for her? Are our personalities a good fit?) is a perfect environment to elevate a girl that you barely know, especially if you've never had experience in a relationship before. So, just something to be aware of, girls. Guys struggle with the emotional thing, too." – Male Alumnus

"Know the Lord! If you (guys) have a close relationship with the Lord, it's really, really attractive.  Seriously." – Female Alumna

Miscellaneous

"Tait Deems is still single. Actually I don't think it matters. Keep seeking God and stuff. Chill out." – Male Senior

"Look for guys of character when you are looking for a potential spouse. Learn to recognize character." – Male Junior

"We tend to save most Friday nights open for the possibility of a date.  Also, we jump at any opportunity to go on picnics. We also appreciate a guy who will look us straight in the eye and smile." – Female Sophomore

"Loosen up!" – Male

"You can know a lot about men at PHC and know nothing about men in general. If you complain about us now, just wait until you meet typical men. PHC guys are generally exceptional." – Male Junior

"Listen." – Female Freshman

"Don't worry about circumstances, obstacles, or people's opinions. Love unreservedly." – Male Senior

"1) Don't be so afraid of girls

2) Don't be so afraid of the gym

3) Don't be so afraid to let the world know you love God." – Female Junior

"You can ask us out without getting permission from our parents." – Female Sophomore

"1) relationships aren't everything. 2)we don't bite. 3)if you do want a relationship, woo her." – Female Sophomore

"Guys have a single track mind, literally." – Male Senior

"Avoiding eye contact and cutting conversations short doesn't always mean we dislike you/want to be rid of you. Sometimes it means just the opposite. Girls can get tongue-tied, too, you know!" – Female Junior

"Just as all guys do not communicate like the average guy, some girls DO. Some of us tell you what we're thinking, and aren't thinking anything else. We communicate affection through insults. If we're spaced out, that doesn't mean we're upset. If we are, then we slug it out and its over, forgotten and forgiven. We do exist, and sometimes its really hard to be treated like girls." – Female Sophomore

Extensive Comments

"What we respect and appreciate most about our guy friends is not their accomplishments, intelligence, humor or strength. It is their love for God, their character.

There is no way you could bless us more than by pursuing Christ and confidently living out what it means to love those around you. We are most build up in life when we see the witness of our guy friends living a Christ-like lifestyle and hear what God is doing in their life or a truth they've been reminded of. This perspective is hard to remember in the craziness and atmosphere of this campus when the pressures of academics and responsibilities crowd your life. But, please don't forget what really matters. Please put more value in your character and love for people than your GPA. What legacy do you want to leave? What impression do you want to give? Our pray is that your answer to these questions would be to leave a legacy and impression of love and serve like Christ.

Thank you for the gentlemen that you are. It is a joy and honor to see how God is moving in your lives and how you are becoming men.

Keeping loving and serving Jesus. Press on. Be bold and courageous warriors.

Please see us as more than women, but also as co-labors in Christ. We are more than a potential girlfriend, we are a fellow warrior who fights side by side with you. If you don't want to view us as objects, but as people, then confidently treat us as what we are.

It is more likely that we will be your friend than a future spouse, just fyi. So, let's commit to understanding and living out what it means to be a good friend and reflect Christ's love in that friendship, since it is more likely that we will just be friends. It can be a beautiful thing." – Female Sophomore

"Girls are humans too. Don't be scared of us, but realize that we think differently, rather, we often have different deeply felt priorities than you do. Take a moment to think about why a girl might be reacting the way she is. Don't be afraid of the differences, but listen and understand before lecturing or assuming. If you think of the way your Mom or sisters handle things, or what is most important to them, it's probably closer to the truth than you might think.

Finally, a guy who is wholeheartedly pursuing God and it's obvious by the way he treats others > a guy who seems smoother because he cares more about how to talk to girls. Really. It's way more attractive to be confident in Christ than to be confident in your social skills with the opposite gender." – Female Junior

"That Girls do on campus do not necessarily think you're interested in them unless you say something. There is the saying actions speak louder than words but words along with those actions would help clarify so much confusion. This does not mean go and declare your love for a girl you have only watched and never spoken too but to prayerfully and carefully consider this. Relationships are a big deal and a lot of girls here have never been in one ever. So be kind and gracious and do not hurt her feelings. Be patient and cool. Awkwardness is only cool when Logan Spena does it. Girls love it when you open the door for them and compliment them, but don't be creepy about it. Don't just compliment her appearance but her intellect and thoughts. These are just a few things that can help you in the long run. Don't be scared when a girl says "i want to talk" this is not necessarily a bad thing, just be openminded and willing to listen to her." – Female Sophomore

Gregory’s favorite comment (it’s the aspiring poet in me) ;)

“My PHC bros

Good God only knows

How hard and how truly you try

But take it from me

We'd rather you be

Decisive and not Mr. Sly.

And as for the gals,

Just try to be pals.

Stop thinking the knot's all but tied." – Female Senior